The new Xbox Game Pass add-on is so grumpy I burned my lunch

“The game is so good I lost track of time,” said the random internet person, who I immediately sensed was stretching the truth for impact. We all know how time works, so just say it’s a good game and let it go. No need for that exaggeration where a mere fondness for something is so over the top that you go from “this game is great” to “this game is so good it makes all other games obsolete”. There were 10 billion wasps around the trash can! No, there wasn’t, Timmy. I saw about three.

So good it ruins the meal!

So you can imagine I was in complete shock, jaw twisted, droplets dripping down the side of my face and stuck in my beard, eyes widening like I was about to have corrective laser surgery, when I saw Vampire Survivors, one of the Latest Games, Played Come to Xbox Game Pass on consoles and PC. This game is so good I almost ruined my lunch.

Let me set the scene for you with this little story of discovery and suffering. I made vegetarian curry for the family last night because I knew I would have some leftovers for lunch tonight. Excellent planning on my part. I’d have to stop by Lidl on the way home from the morning school run for a naan and I’d have a pretty nice, simple lunch.

The first part of the plan was simple and carried out like Agent 47. I was in and out of Lidl in about 60 seconds, home by 8:45am with time to make three cups of coffee before work at 9am. Excellent stuff.

A few hours of solid work later, lunch crept up on me. Fancy some game time, I hopped onto the Xbox and downloaded Vampire Survivors. I’ve seen people make it big and it was a quick game to get started as it looks like it will run on an Amiga. While downloading, I put the curry in the microwave and a naan (not two, Jeremy) in the oven. No need for a timer I thought as the microwave will beep and the naan will be ready by then.

Screenshot of Vampire Survivors in game

Vampire Survivors doesn’t look like much, but it has its snags in me.

As I walked into the living room, the smell of ground garam masala hit my nostrils. I booted up Vampire Survivors and commented on the old-school environment with all the glee of a true vampire in a nursing home. I was getting too fed up with the incredibly fun, simple gameplay (moving around and letting guns fire around you) and somehow I didn’t hear the beeping of the microwave. The naan – I’m sorry to say – didn’t want to join her friends at Lavender Lodge. Burnt crisp.

It’s a sad story, I’m sure you’ll agree. But one that ended up having a new game to throw into when I had a few free moments — or hours. I’ve been playing on Xbox but I can see it working great on Steam Deck where I’ll be playing it next. I’ve read almost nothing about Vampire Survivors, but it has a touch of Geometry Wars pacifism mode – something I fell very much in love with at the time. You have to dodge enemies at certain points, but attacks are essential to level up and get new gear and money. It’s perfectly balanced.

If, like me, you’ve seen a few Vampire Survivors screens and wrinkled your nose at its appearance, I’m here to urge you to give it a shot. Hopefully this doesn’t result in a burnt naan.

Big twist: I had bought a double pack and didn’t make the same mistake twice. The new Xbox Game Pass add-on is so grumpy I burned my lunch

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