How to piss off $44 billion

Elon Musk hesitated before spending $44 billion to buy Twitter, and it seems he doesn’t know what to do with it now. The billionaire’s plans seem to change by the hour — from his overhaul of the blue check verification system to how he actually implements his “free speech” principles — often leaving Twitter’s users and remaining employees in the dark.

Things were simpler when the richest man alive was simply a Twitter troll, hurling grenades at his lead and making youthful references to the numbers “420” and “69.” But now the trolls have come for Musk.

The chaos wreaks havoc on the platform, presenting challenges for Musk as he works to salvage his investment. Internally, he has been candid about the dire situation, claiming in an email to staff early Thursday that “there’s a good chance Twitter won’t survive the upcoming economic downturn” unless it can get the revenue out Dramatically increase premium subscriptions.

It was hard to keep up with the ever-changing storyline — even for the reporters covering it. For a timeline of Musk’s recent decision-making, read on:

Musk enters the Twitter offices with a sink.

And tweets a video of it with the caption “Let it sink in.” Don’t ask us why.

A couple of clowns pose in front of the headquarters as fired Twitter employees.

And actually manage to trick multiple mediums. People losing their jobs is like that funnyTo the right?

The Verge reports that Musk will charge $20 a month for verification as part of a reconfigured “Twitter Blue” program.

Blue Checks are losing their minds everywhere.

Hate speech goes wrong on the platform.

Montclair State University researchers found an “immediate, visible and measurable increase” in “vulgar and hostile” rhetoric on the site in the 12 hours since Musk acquired it. (Twitter will eventually remove more than 1,500 accounts in an attempt to limit this behavior.)

Musk actually fires more than 3,000 Twitter employees…

….and then asks dozens of them to come back.

The affected employees were “accidentally” fired, according to Bloomberg.

Just kidding guys, blue checks are only $7.

And even if you already have one, you can keep it for free. And you can also post longer videos? And get less ads? And if you don’t buy it, will your tweets end up in a giant heap of garbage?

But you can’t get them yet because it’s almost election day and holy shit would that be a mess.

Twitter starts losing advertisers

Big ones like General Motors, General Mills and United Airlines. Probably for reasons related to point #4.

Musk blames activists for the exodus of advertisers “trying to destroy free speech”.

They tell us they are not worried about it.

Twitter suspends a number of people impersonating Musk.

Including comedians like Kathy Griffin and Sarah Silverman. Apparently, comedy isn’t legal on Twitter.

Musk runs a Twitter space to try and win back advertisers.

He acted a little less like a troll, but also compared the old verification system to one of the American wars. (Civil War or Revolutionary? Your guess is as good as ours.)

Jesus Christ gets a verified account.

Along with fake accounts for George W. Bush, OJ Simpson, and Rudy Giulliani. Basically, the new verification system is just going great.

Several top privacy and security officials are quitting, according to the Washington Postsparking concern from the FTC.

In the past two weeks, the company also lost its chief marketing officer, head of product, chief customer officer, and head of people and diversity, to name a few.

Musk is officially alienating everyone who’s left at Twitter by demanding they all come back to the office full-time.

And also calls the economic future “bleak” and predicts that Twitter will not survive it without “significant subscription revenue” in an email to employees.

Two more key executives are leaving the ship.

My goodness, it’s few and far between on the Titanic tonight. Insiders tell Axios, “It’s over… Trust is gone.”

We all die in a fiery fire.

Hopefully. How to piss off $44 billion

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